My Hall forum has always been pretty active. Some time back got this fellow who complained abt some noise during the wee hours of the night. Plus it is exam period, thus the tempers flare. After much debate, got this guy wrote a hilarious post. (Below)
Ahlong Express Ltd would be glad to help you and solve your problems.Our consultants have reviewed your problem and this is one of their analysis
Analysiswah lan oeei you chup do loh ji kee one(join where how many one)? Limpei(your daddy) make so fwaaauacking (need i say) Swwuerre that the person who ji ji siao siao (disturb disturb) dok (chop?) until cui cui (minced up). My hia di kia WOULD SURELY AND CERTAINLY, find that trouble maker and make sure he does not make another sound in his entire hall life. We would do a clean job and maybe throw his body..... throw the body bag somewhere fatally safe. It is our impetus and imperatives that our customer enjoy the highest satisfaction possible.About usBah diam and Kiam Pa, my frwenlyee banking officers, at Chup Sa Ba Diam kopi tiam would assist you with their frwenlyee razor cutting movees. Call 1900-IAmAhLong and receive unlimted care and attention from my secretary. She massages egos with her slender lith fingers and ensure her utmost that pleasure would never be the same again. Oh did i mention her name? Bia Ah Lian.
All of us at Chup Sa (13) Ba diam Kopi Tiam live by this principle.SO HURRY looogon to our website, www.ahlong.com. With ahlong san, Cheee A Pie the slasher, and lots more famous ah longs as our affliates, u can be sure of the quality of our hit.
Check out the irresistable offers now going on.
1. silence the mffer. $20
2. hang pig head $25
3. silence and drag $25 plus $0.20 shuttle bus fee the body around NTU with shuttle bus
And hey if u think you do not need our services, that perfectly alright! Send this to all your neighbours. But who noes? U may have the whole block to yourself soon as we TAKE OUT all the Noise Makers ONE BY ONEAs we always say Cos we are ah longs too.
Yours truely
banglacowCEO Ahlong Express
Not enough? He came with another post......
After what u posted, our professional psychoanalyst has summarised it into the following"Sibeh DooohlAnn ah. Hwat iis dai ji (problem) with Ee blk rep? Simdaiji?(what problem), HWah Lan Oeeei. Limpeh dok chup buay(18) dua (pieces) feed dog eat."It is our imperative that you are satisfied. SolutionsThere is no need to panic. Help is near. We take our hits seriously and by that we mean very serious. With squads of mujahideens and suicidalah bengs on stand bys, there is no lack of firepower on our part.
AhLong Express for a Better TomorrowThinking of taking out Profs who seems to be a sore? Thinking of taking out that noisy neighbour? Or just wanna screw around with that blk rep? No issue. We take them out one by one. No hassles, no dazzles.
Ah bengs: who die for Nokia 2100, loud ring tones, and dons flashy skin tight shirts proclaiming that they have a prick large enuff to screw the world. They build the core of our entrepreneul free spirited company building policy. When not hanging out at void decks and marking their territory with piss, they work even harder at gaining the trust of clients by practising how to piss harder on walls thereby imprinting the moment forever. Kidnapping Extortion and Philantrophic workCome next year June, AhLong Express would be organising a trip to South Americas. This YEP is hoped to be a exchange of hearts. We want to learn how the natives there do it with kidnapping. This would greatly benefit the participants behind this project of love and dreams.This is the kind of work that makes a AhLong Express a great company. With heart and zeal. We have through our acts of charity, raised millions for the needy AH Bengs, who we think deserve a helping hand.FootnoteWe wish to help ya and take out all pesky blk reps who are deemed irrevocably pesky.Why? Cos we are Ah longs too.
Sincerely
banglacowCEOAhLong Express
For those who don't understand hokkien, just laugh...cos its funny!
Ahlong Express Ltd would be glad to help you and solve your problems.Our consultants have reviewed your problem and this is one of their analysis
Analysiswah lan oeei you chup do loh ji kee one(join where how many one)? Limpei(your daddy) make so fwaaauacking (need i say) Swwuerre that the person who ji ji siao siao (disturb disturb) dok (chop?) until cui cui (minced up). My hia di kia WOULD SURELY AND CERTAINLY, find that trouble maker and make sure he does not make another sound in his entire hall life. We would do a clean job and maybe throw his body..... throw the body bag somewhere fatally safe. It is our impetus and imperatives that our customer enjoy the highest satisfaction possible.About usBah diam and Kiam Pa, my frwenlyee banking officers, at Chup Sa Ba Diam kopi tiam would assist you with their frwenlyee razor cutting movees. Call 1900-IAmAhLong and receive unlimted care and attention from my secretary. She massages egos with her slender lith fingers and ensure her utmost that pleasure would never be the same again. Oh did i mention her name? Bia Ah Lian.
All of us at Chup Sa (13) Ba diam Kopi Tiam live by this principle.SO HURRY looogon to our website, www.ahlong.com. With ahlong san, Cheee A Pie the slasher, and lots more famous ah longs as our affliates, u can be sure of the quality of our hit.
Check out the irresistable offers now going on.
1. silence the mffer. $20
2. hang pig head $25
3. silence and drag $25 plus $0.20 shuttle bus fee the body around NTU with shuttle bus
And hey if u think you do not need our services, that perfectly alright! Send this to all your neighbours. But who noes? U may have the whole block to yourself soon as we TAKE OUT all the Noise Makers ONE BY ONEAs we always say Cos we are ah longs too.
Yours truely
banglacowCEO Ahlong Express
Not enough? He came with another post......
After what u posted, our professional psychoanalyst has summarised it into the following"Sibeh DooohlAnn ah. Hwat iis dai ji (problem) with Ee blk rep? Simdaiji?(what problem), HWah Lan Oeeei. Limpeh dok chup buay(18) dua (pieces) feed dog eat."It is our imperative that you are satisfied. SolutionsThere is no need to panic. Help is near. We take our hits seriously and by that we mean very serious. With squads of mujahideens and suicidalah bengs on stand bys, there is no lack of firepower on our part.
AhLong Express for a Better TomorrowThinking of taking out Profs who seems to be a sore? Thinking of taking out that noisy neighbour? Or just wanna screw around with that blk rep? No issue. We take them out one by one. No hassles, no dazzles.
Ah bengs: who die for Nokia 2100, loud ring tones, and dons flashy skin tight shirts proclaiming that they have a prick large enuff to screw the world. They build the core of our entrepreneul free spirited company building policy. When not hanging out at void decks and marking their territory with piss, they work even harder at gaining the trust of clients by practising how to piss harder on walls thereby imprinting the moment forever. Kidnapping Extortion and Philantrophic workCome next year June, AhLong Express would be organising a trip to South Americas. This YEP is hoped to be a exchange of hearts. We want to learn how the natives there do it with kidnapping. This would greatly benefit the participants behind this project of love and dreams.This is the kind of work that makes a AhLong Express a great company. With heart and zeal. We have through our acts of charity, raised millions for the needy AH Bengs, who we think deserve a helping hand.FootnoteWe wish to help ya and take out all pesky blk reps who are deemed irrevocably pesky.Why? Cos we are Ah longs too.
Sincerely
banglacowCEOAhLong Express
For those who don't understand hokkien, just laugh...cos its funny!
posted by Elaine at 1:59 AM
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